01. THE SIMPSONS MAIN TITLE THEME (Extend) 

02. LISA'S SAX (Medley) 

03. ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING (Medley)
Clint & Man: Gonna paint our wagon,
             Gonna paint it good,
             We ain't braggin',
             We're gonna coat the wood.
        All: They're gonna paint their wagon,
             gonna paint it good,
             they ain't braggin',
             they're gonna coat the wood.
             [pause]
        Lee: I'm gonna paint this wagon,
             I'm gonna paint it fine,
             I'm going to use oil-based paint
             because this wood is pine.
      Women: Ponderosa Pine!
--------------------------------------------
 Lisa: You like musicals don't you dad?
Homer: No, I don't, I think they're bad.
       They're fake and phony and totally wrong.
 Bart: Wake up dad, you're singing a song.
Homer: I wouldn't, I couldn't, I hate that stuff.
Marge: Now Homer, listen, I've had enough.
       In our family videos we have clearly seen,
       you're a singing, dancing, entertainment machine.
[clips]
 Bart: Mom was right, your singing's a sin.
       You're as les misérable as Lee Marvin.
Marge: Sure your dad's singing could make your hair curl,
       but you too Bart have sung and danced like a girl.
 Bart: Eep.
[clips]
 Lisa: That was pretty bad Bart,
       but it could have been worse,
       you could have been carrying a sequined verse.
 Bart: I hate to dance, and prance and sing.
       That's really more of a Milhouse thing.
Marge: I think you move like a young Baryshnikov.
Snake: Nobody move, or I'll blow your heads off.
  All: Ohh.
Snake: Ohh.
Marge: It's a desperate criminal on the run from the law,
       please spare my children.
Homer: And their damp-trousered pa.
Snake: A singing family,
       it's worse than I feared,
       for hostage purposes,
       you're just too weird. Bye!
Homer: See? All this singing scared him away,
       if we just talked like normal he'd probably stay.
 Lisa: Many people in this town sing like we do.
       There's Mr. Burns, there's Krusty, and even Apu.
[clips]
 Lisa: Because he was singing,
       we overheard his plan,
       and could save those dogs from that mean old man.
 Bart: It still wasn't worth,
       Burns, a song and dance.
Snake: I'm back so resume,
       wetting your pants.
Homer: O.K
Snake: Because of you all I've got a tune in my head,
       and the only way to stop it is to make you all dead.
       Say your prayers, and then it's kablamo.
       Uh-oh, I'll be back when I get some ammo. Bye!
Homer: Even the criminals are beginning to croon.
Marge: Homey, this whole town runs on a tune.
       Our churches, our clubs, our government too.
 Bart: Springfield swings like a pendulum do.
 Lisa: We can't even get any local laws passed,
       without everyone singing... like a big broadway cast.
[clips]
Homer: All right Marge,
       you've convinced me,
       there are more terrible things
       than musical comedies where everyone sings.
 Lisa: There is something worse. Bart: And it really does blow.
  All: When a long running series does a cheesy clip show!
Snake: I'm back to commit phelonious assault,
       because your infernal singing,
       just would not halt.
 

04. WE PUT THE SPRING IN SPRINGFIELD
                      Homer: You could close down Moe's,
                             Or the Kwik-E-Mart,
                             And nobody would care,
                             But the heart and soul
                             Of Springfield's in
                             Our Maison Derriere!
                             (music starts)
                      Belle: We're the sauce on your steak,
                             We're the cheese in your cake,
                             We put the spring in Springfield.
             Dancing Girl 1: We're the lace on the nightgown,
             Dancing Girl 2: The point after touchdown,
    Belle and Dancing Girls: Yes we put the spring in Springfield.
                      Belle: We're that little extra spice
                             That makes existence extra-nice,
                             A giddy little thrill
                             At a reasonable price.
                    Lovejoy: Our only major quarrel's
                             With your total lack of morals.
             Dancing Girl 3: Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad,
             Dancing Girl 4: They seem to entertain your dad!
    Belle and Dancing Girls: The gin in your martini,
                             The clams on your linguine,
                             Yes we keep the
                             (Belle flicks Bumblebee Man's antenna)
                             In Springfield!
Wiggum, Krusty, and Skinner: We remember our first visit,
               Mayor Quimby: The service was exquisite!
                 Mrs Quimby: Why Joseph, I had no idea!
               Mayor Quimby: Come on now, you were working here!
          Grampa and Jasper: Without it we'd have had no fun
                             Since March of 1961!
                       Bart: To shut it down now would be twisted,
  Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney: We just heard this place existed!
              Dancing Girls: We're the highlights in your hairdo,
                        Apu: The extra arms on Vishnu,
              Dancing Girls: So don't take the
                             (Barney opens a Krusty-in-the-box)
                        Mob: We won't take the
                             (Sideshow Mel blows on his slide-whistle)
                   Everyone: Yes let's keep the
                             (Moe crashes two garbage can lids together)
                             In Springfield!

05. MINIMUM WAGE NANNY - Bart, Lisa & Homer
       Lisa: If you wish to be our sitter,
             Please be sweet and never bitter.
             Help us with math and book reports,
       Bart: Might I add - eat my shorts!
       Lisa: Bart!
       Bart: Just cuttin' through the treacle.
       Lisa: If Maggie's fussy, dont avoid her,
       Bart: Let me get away with moider!
       Lisa: Teach us songs and magic tricks,
      Homer: Might I add - no fat chicks!
      Marge: Homer!
       Lisa: The nanny we want is kindly and sage,
      Homer: And one who will work for minimum wage.
       Lisa: Hurry nanny, things are grim,
     Grampa: I'll do it!
Bart & Lisa: Anyone but him.

06. CUT EVERY CORNER - Sherry Bobbins
       Shary: If there's a task that must be done,
              Don't turn your tail and run,
              Don't pout, don't sob,
              Just do a half-assed job!
              If... you... cut every corner
              It is really not so bad,
              Everybody does it,
              Even mom and dad.
              If nobody sees it,
              Then nobody gets mad,
        Bart: It's the American way!
       Shary: The policeman on the beat
              Needs some time to rest his feet.
Chief Wiggum: Fighting crime is not my cup of tea!
       Shary: And the clerk who runs the store
              Can charge a little more
              For meat!
         Apu: For meat!
       Shary: And milk!
         Apu: And milk!
        Both: From 1984!
       Shary: If... you... cut every corner,
              You'll have more time for play,
 Shary & OFF: It's the American waaaaay!

20. THE GARBAGEMAN
            Homer : Who can take your trash out?
                    Stomp it down for you?
                    Shake the plastic bag and do the twisty thingy-doo?
                    The Garbage Man!
        Trash Men : Yes the Garbage Man Can!
Homer + Trash Men : The Garbage Man can
                    And he does it with a smile
                    And never judges you.
            Marge : Who can take this diaper?
        Trash Man : I don't mind at all!
     Chief Wiggum : Who can clean me up before the big policeman's ball?
                    The Garbage Maaaaan!
        Trash Men : Yes the Garbage Man can.
               U2 : The sanitation folks
                    Are jolly friendly blokes.
                    Courteous and easy-going
         The Edge : They'll mop up when you're oh-
U2 and Trash Men : -ver flowin'!
             Bono : And tell you when your arse is showing'!
              Apu : Who can?
     Sideshow Mel : Who can?
     Ned Flanders : Who can?
            Oscar : Who can?
              All : The Garbage Man can!
    Bart and Lisa : Coz he's Homer Simpson, man!
              All : He cleans the world....for....you!
                    [crowd cheers]

21. CANYONERO THEME
Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!
Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero!
[Krusty:] Hey Hey
The Federal Highway comission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Canyonero!
12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
(Yah!)She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She's a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!
Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero!
(Yah!)Drive Canyonero!
Woah Canyonero!
Woah!

22. EVERYBODY LOVES NED FLANDERS
       Hens love roosters, geese love ganders,
       Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!
Homer: Not me!
       Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!

23. "SCORPIO" END CREDITS

24. CHIEF WIGGUM, P.I.

25. THE LOVE-MATIC GRAMPA
While shopping for some cans,
An old man passed away.
He floated up toward Heaven,
But got lost along the way.
Now he's the love-matic Grampa.
The wise Socratic Grampa.
He'll fill our hearts with looooooove.

26. THE SIMPSONS SMILE TIME VARIETY HOUR

27. THE BALLAD OF JEBEDIAH SPRINGFIELD
Hitch that team up,
Jebediah Springfield,
Whip them horses,
Let them wagons roll,
That a people might embiggen America,
That a man might embiggen his soul,
His soul...His soul...

28. MR SPARKLE THEME AND LOGO

29. KRUSTY THE CLOWN MAIN TITLE THEME

30. H.M.S. PINAFORE - Sideshow Bob & Bart 

31. MR PLOW – Homer
Homer: Call Mr. Plow,
       That's my name,
       That name again
       Is Mr. Plow.

32. PLOW KING - Barney & Linda Ronstad
tLinda Ronstadt: When the snow starts a-fallin'
                There's a man you should be callin'
                That's KL5-4796,
                Let it ring!
                Mr. Plow is a loser,
                And I think he is a boozer,
Barney & Linda: So you better make that call to the Plow King!

33. KAMP KRUSTY THEME SONG
Hail to thee Kamp Krusty
By the shores of Big Snake Lake.
Though your swings are rusty,
We know they'll never break.
(Kearney: Louder! Faster!)
From your gleaming mess hall,
To your hallowed baseball field,
To your spic and span infirmary, where all our wounds are healed.
Hail to thee Kamp Krusty/Below Mount Avalanche.
We will always love Kamp Krusty,
A registered trademark of Krusty Corporation.
All rights reserved.
 

34. THE SIMPSONS END CREDITS THEME

35. UNION STRIKE SONG - Lisa Simpson
Lisa: Come gather 'round children,
      It's high time ye learned,
      'Bout a hero named Homer
      And a devil named Burns.
      We'll march till we drop,
      The girls and the fellas,
      We'll fight till the death
      Or else fold like umbrellas.
      (later)
      So we'll march day and night,
      By the big cooling tower,
      They have the plant,
      But we have the power.

36. RAPPIN' RONNIE REAGAN

37. CLETUS THE CLACK JAWED YOKEL THEME
Some folk'll never eat a skunk
But then again, some folk'll...
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel....
Most folk'll never lose a toe
And then again, some folk'll...
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel

38. YA-HOO MAIN TITLE

39. THE LAND OF CHOCOLATE

40. SKINNER AND CHALMERS THEME
Skinner, with his crazy explanations,
The superintendant's gonna need his medication,
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!

41. PRESIDENTS' SONG

42. THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER

43. TALKIN' SOFTBALL
Well, Mr Burns had done it
The power plant had won it
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile
While Wade Boggs laid unconscious on the bar-room tile

We're talkin' softball
From Maine to San Diego
Talkin' softball
Mattingly and Canseco
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law
We're talking Homer...Ozzie and the Straw
(x2)

44. OH, MY PAPA - Krusty The Clown

45. MCBAIN END CREDITS
The rules that constrain other men,
mean nothing to McBain.
The punches that bring pain to other men,
mean nothing to McBain.
McBain!McBain!McBain!

46. YOU'RE GONNA LIKE ME (THE GABBO SONG)
Gabbo: You're gonna like me,
       You're gonna love me,
       'Cause I can do most anything.
       I can do the hully gully,
       I can imitate Vin Scully!
       (spoken)
       Let's take time out from that triple play
       for this message from Farmer Dan's Pure Pork
       Sausages! Mmm, mmm...
       I'll give out shiny dimes,
       I'll travel back in time!
Dolls: You're gonna like him,
       You're gonna love him,
       It's the greatest show in to-ow-ow-ow-own!
       Gabbo!

47. CAN I BORROW A FEELING - Kirk Van Houten
Kirk Van Houten: Can I borrow a feelin'?
                 Could you send me a jar of love?
                 Hurtin' hearts need some healin',
                 Take my hand with your glove of love!

48. THE SIMPSONS END CREDITS 

49. WE LOVE TO SMOKE - Patty & Selma 

50. APU IN "THE JOLLY BENGALI" THEME 

51. THE GARBAGEMAN (Long Demo Version)
see earlier

52. SENOR BURNS (Long Version) - Tito Puente
Singer: Wounds won't last long, but an insulting song
        Burns will always carry with him,
        So I'll settle my score on the salsa floor,
        With this vengeful Latin rhythm.
Chorus: Bu-urns!
Singer: Con un corazón de perro.
Chorus: Señor Bu-urns!
Singer: El diablo con dinero.
        It may not surprise you,
        But all of us despise you,
        Please die,
        And fry,
        In Hell,
        You rotten,
        Rich old wretch,
        Adios viejo!

53. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. SMITHERS