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You see me as a god, right Smithers?
The
Stonecutters
I'm sure everyone knows these guys, seeing as it seems to be the favourite
episode of a lot of people. Their theme song is also an old favourite,
and actually that explains best what the stonecutters are about...so here it
is:
Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do.
Who leaves the Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do.
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do.
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do.
So, as you can tell, they're pretty
powerful. Members of the Stonecutters are: Homer, Lenny, Carl, Abe,
Dewey Largo, Seymour Skinner, Julius Hibbert, Charles Montgomery Burns,
Herman, Chief Wiggum, Moe the Bartender, Hershel Krustofski (Krusty),
Sideshow Mel, Mr. Van Houten, Waylon Smithers, "Number One", Kent Brockman,
Joe Quimby, Groundskeeper Willy, Steve Guttenberg, Jasper, Barney, Apu,
Adolf Hitler, Homer Glumplich, some green alien, the Egg Council guy, Scott
Christian, Asst. Superintendent Leopold
There are some initiation rituals that have to be upheld. To get in
the Stonecutters you have to be either the son of a Stonecutter or save the
life of one. And then when you're one of those you have to complete
the following ritual tasks: Leap of faith from a "5 story building" (but in
truth it's just a little step), the crossing of the desert, the unblinking
eye, wreck of Hesperus, and then the paddling of swollen ass, with paddles.
The last 4 rituals are basically the same, though.
When you have done something wrong, you have to pay for it by dragging the
Stone of Shame behind you on your way out (while being naked). Homer
had to do this, of course, but in being naked the noticed the birthmark he
has, which states that he is 'the Chosen One', and so the Stone of Shame
gets replaced by the Stone of Triumph (an even bigger one). Eventually
Homer leads to the end of the Stonecutters as they get sick of him being the
chosen one and start a new cult, which will be explained later.
The
No-Homers
There are 2 of these. One was made when Homer was still a
little boy and he wanted to join his first cult. Unfortunately the
other boys didn't really like him so they named their cult No Homers.
Homer Glumplich was a member, but that was ok cause there could be a homer,
just not more than one.
However, when Homer abused his power in the Stonecutters, they went looking
for a way they didn't have to see Homer as the Chosen One anymore, and the
solution was: a second No Homers cult. Again Homer Glumplich was
allowed to be a member, but not Homer Simpson. We all feel badly for
him, surely
The
Movementarians
The Movementarians is a sect that believes that there is a planet
out there where everyone will be able to live in peace and harmony, the
planet Blisstonia. Members of the sect have to work hard, because they
have to make money to be able to make a space ship that flies to this
Blisstonia. The sect was started by The Leader, as far as I know the
real name of this Leader hasn't been said.
The tactic of getting people into the Movementarians is pretty subtle.
They offer them a free weekend, and on this weekend they feed the people
gruel that is designed to take away their spirits, show them a video that
brainwashes them and some chanting. On Homer's primitive mind the
first two have no effect (he ate enough of the gruel to keep him well
nourished and when he is bored watching a movie he makes up a movie of his
own), but the chanting, when done to the right theme (Batman, in this case)
does, and that's how the Simpsons join. Bart is led to believe by a
brainwashing kit and Lisa is bribed into believing with grades, while Maggie
is being indoctrinated by Barney the purple dinosaur.
In the end the only people in Springfield who are not members of the
Movementarians are Reverend Lovejoy, the Flanders, Groundskeeper Willie, Mr.
Burns and Mr. Smithers, Lenny, and Cletus (well of the main characters
anyways). Marge Manages to escape the Movementarians, kidnap her
family and get them back to normal, and then Homer goes on to prove that the
Leader is nothing but a fraud who wanted to fly off with the money on an
adapted delta-flyer, but he crashed in front of Cletus, who then took all
the money.
Mr.
Burns' Sect
This one never really hit off well, but still needs to be mentioned, I feel.
Basically when learning about the Leader, Mr Burns though he should start a
religion as well to get rich and have to pay no taxes (the 3 dollars he has
to pay is way too much, according to him). After 2 failed attempts at
a logo (Kellog's Special K and Mickey Mouse hat), Mr. Smithers decides to
design the logo, which ends up to be a huge golden B in a pine tree.
Mr. Burns all suited up in latex muscles comes out as the new god, but he
catches fire from the fireworks, and thus ends the short existence of the
god that is Mr. Burns.