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Simpson Trivia - Simpsons Bible Stories

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Wraparound
During a particularly long read by Lovejoy, the Simpsons fall asleep and dream about the bible stories. Afterwards the apocalypse is upon them, and Homer prevents Lisa from going to heaven so they all go to hell

Tales
-Marge: Adam and Eve
Homer is Adam, and he enjoys his life in the garden of Eden.  God (obviously Ned Flanders) does everything to please him, including creating Eve/Marge for him.  Marge and homer are happy for a while until Snake manages to convince Homer to eat the apple, even though Marge tells him not to.  When God finds out, Homer blames Marge so she's thrown out.  Homer uses the unicorn (Nelson/Gary) to dig a tunnel in to the garden so Marge can return, but the unicorn dies and God bans them both
-Lisa: Exodus
The children are playing quietly until Skinner (as the pharaoh of Egypt) comes and tells them  recess if over, and they go back to work.  Lisa is fed up with being a slave, so she tells Moses (Milhouse) to demand to pharaoh to let them go.  Milhouse and Lisa step to the Pharaoh, but he won't let them go, so they make the 'plagues' come.  When finally let go, Lisa devises a good plan to part the Red Sea and off they go into the desert for 40 years.
-Bart: David Versus Goliath(II)
After king David (Bart) has killed Goliath, his son, Goliath II (Nelson) comes back years later to get revenge.  Bart isn't able to defeat him so he is thrown out of his kingdom as Nelson takes over.  Bart goes off to train to be able to kill the giant, who in the mean time is actually doing a good job at running the country.  When Bart is ready to battle Nelson, he return and Ralph kills him, which leads to Bart being arrested for megacide.

Extra Info:

Adam and Eve
God took some clay from the ground and made the shape of a man.  Then He breathed gently into the shape.  The man's eye's opened and he began to live.  God called him Adam.  The Lord made a beautiful garden for him to live in.  The garden, called Eden, was full of many wonderful things.  Beautiful flowers grew everywhere.  Birds sang in the trees, streams flowed through the valley and animals roamed across the fields.  God hade made the man in His image to keep Him company and look after the world.  God brought all the animals to Adam one at a time to be given their names.  "Elephant", he would say, or "Tiger", or "Porcupine".  But God felt sorry for Adam.  "None of these animals is really like him," thought God, "he needs someone to share his life. 
Someone who cares for him and who he can care for."  That night, God took a rib from Adam's side and made a woman.  When Adam awoke the following morning, he found a wife, Eve, lying asleep beside him.  Adam was so happy.  He took her hand and she woke up.  She looked up at him and smiled.
God told the man and woman that it was their job to take care of their new home.  God blessed them, saying, "All this is for you.  Help yourself to anything you like.  But never touch the tree in the middle of the Garden.  That tree gives knowledge of good and evil.  The day you eat its fruit, you will die."  God did not mean that Adam and Eve would drop down dead the moment they ate the fruit from the tree.  He meant that in time they would die with out His Spirit dwelling in them.
One day, Eve was gathering berries for dinner when she heard a silky voice behind her.  "Has God told you that you can eat the fruit from all the trees?" the voice asked softly.  Eve turned around to see a snake talking to her.
"God has told us we can eat all the fruit except for what grows on  The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil," Eve told the serpent.  "Oh come now, that's silly!  I hardly think such a lovely fruit would do you any harm," the serpent lied. "God knows that if you eat from The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil you'll become just like God, and will be able to decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong."  The woman looked at the fruit and thought how tasty it looked. She thought how wonderful it would be to be as wise and powerful as God.  She believed the serpent's lie and ate the fruit. 
She felt a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach.  She fidgeted and wondered what was wrong with her.  Suddenly she realized that she was feeling guilty -- she had disobeyed God and knew she'd done something wrong.  Eve hurriedly picked some more fruit and took it back to Adam.  They ate the fruit and sat in gloomy silence.  As soon as they ate the fruit a change came over Adam and Eve.  They became unhappy and fearful of God.  Adam and Eve heard God calling them.  Without thinking, they dived into the bushes, but God knew where they were.  When God asked them if they had eaten from The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil that He had told them not to touch, they blamed each other for their sins.
God was sad that Adam and Eve had disobeyed them.  He told them that they had to leave the Garden of Eden, "From now on you'll have to scratch a living from the soil.  You'll need to make clothes and grow food.  Nothing will come easily -- not even childbirth.  And one day, you will die."

Moses and The Exodus
This second book of the Bible, has as its main theme the emancipation of the Jewish nation from Egypt. In the latter part of Genesis Jacob’s whole family had settled in the Goshen area of Egypt. This family of seventy people was the root of the Hebrew nation – the twelve sons of Jacob. Joseph, one of Jacob’s sons, had risen to a position of prominence in Egypt and the Pharaoh had allowed his family to ride out the famine in Egypt.
Hundreds of years passed and the descendents of Jacob “were fruitful and increased abundantly, multiplied and grew exceedingly mighty; and the land was filled with them.” (Ex.1: 7) The children of Israel had been granted land and certain freedoms because of the unique relationship Joseph had with Pharaoh. Things change rapidly in Exodus: “Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph.” (Ex.1: 8)
The new king was afraid of the children of Israel. Their population was growing too large and the king ordered them to be afflicted and to make them “serve with rigor”. (Ex.1: 13) They were put to work building new cities for the king. Pithom and Raamses were cities built with Jewish slave labor. The cruel work conditions did not stem the growth of the Hebrew population. “And they made their lives bitter with hard bondage…” (Ex.1: 14) This was a plan of extermination that wasn’t working so the king got a better idea.
He ordered the midwives to kill any newborn Hebrew males that they delivered. The midwives didn’t follow through and told Pharaoh that the Hebrew women were too “lively” and delivered before they arrived to help. The new decree from Pharaoh was that all male babies were to be thrown in the river.
Now comes the story of baby Moses, a Sunday school favorite. Moses’ mother hid him for three months and then “when she could no longer hide him, she took an ark of bulrushes for him, daubed it with asphalt and pitch, put the child in it, and laid it in the reeds by the river’s bank.” (Ex.2: 3) The story continues with Pharaoh’s daughter finding the baby Moses and bringing him home to be raised in the palace. Moses’ own mother gets to nurse him.
Moses is the key character in the story of the Exodus and the symbolism of the “ark” being the vehicle of his salvation is no accident. God’s plan for Israel required Moses and so supernatural means are brought into play to insure his survival. What would Pharaoh have thought if he knew that Israel’s future liberator was living in his home?
The next time we see Moses he is an adult and in an attempt to bond with his people ends up killing an Egyptian. The result is that the Hebrews are afraid of this troublemaker and Moses flees to Midian. It is not his time yet. Moses gets married and has a son. Meanwhile the king dies and God hears the groaning of the children of Israel. God remembers His promises to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
In a burning bush, God appears to Moses and says “Come now, therefore, and I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” (Ex.3: 10) Moses is understandably shaken with the vision and the responsibility. He stalls for time and asks God His name. Moses wants to know what to say when they ask: “What is his name?” “And God said to Moses: ‘I AM WHO I AM’” (Ex.3: 14)
Moses is still scared and so God provides him with a rod with which to perform miracles. When Moses complains of his lack of eloquence, God sends Aaron to speak for Moses. So Moses and Aaron go to Pharaoh and utter the famous words: “Let my people go” (Ex. 5: 1) But things only get worse for the Israelites as Pharaoh demands a higher quota of bricks and will no longer supply the necessary straw to make them.
God sends plagues on the Egyptians to convince Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. At the same time God hardens Pharaohs heart. There are plagues of frogs, lice, flies, death of livestock, boils, and hail, locusts and darkness. All the plagues wreak havoc on the Egyptians but don’t affect the Jews. Pharaoh only gets more stubborn. Finally, the Passover occurs. God vows to kill the firstborn of every family in Egypt. If the children of Israel would put the blood of a male lamb without blemish on their doorposts, God would pass over them and not kill their firstborn. All of the households in Egypt suffer the loss of one.
Pharaoh finally relents and sends Moses, Aaron and their people away to Canaan. Before they can cross the Red Sea and return, Pharaoh has a change of heart and sends the army out to stop them. The next great miracle is that the Red Sea parts enough for Moses to lead his people across to safety. When the Egyptian army attempts to cross, the sea swallows them up.
And so, the children of Israel are finally a people in their own right. They have a mission to carry God’s name to the world. Their journey to the Promised Land takes forty years. They wandered the desert all through that time and often complained about their situation and about Moses’ leadership. God takes care of them and provides food and water. God sends “manna” and “quail” for them to eat. Their bitter complaining would cost them the right to cross the Jordan into Israel.
During the forty-year journey, Moses would receive the Ten Commandments and many of the rituals of worship would be adopted. None of the people that crossed the Red Sea would see the Promised Land. That was reserved for a new generation. But the people of God’s choosing would truly become a united people and be a presence in the Middle East for thousands of years.

David and Goliath
David was the youngest of the eight sons of Jesse. The family lived in Bethlehem, a few miles south of Jerusalem. David took care of his father's sheep in the pasture fields around Bethlehem. He stayed with the sheep day and night, wrapping himself at night in a thick, warm blanket that his mother had woven from the sheep's fluffy grey wool.
Sometimes wild animals would try to steal and eat the young lambs. David was strong and brave and fought the wild animals to rescue the sheep. Once he killed a lion who was stealing a sheep. Another time he killed a bear that was carrying away a lamb. Living in the fields with the animals in his care had made David strong and fearless.
In the long evenings before the flickering yellow firelight he played his harp and sang songs that he made up as he watched over his sleeping animals. He loved to look at the twinkling stars studded in the dark, deep midnight blue sky overhead. He thought about the greatness of God who had created all things. He knew how he loved his sheep and how he was willing to risk his life to protect them.
During his long nights, playing his harp, singing the songs he made up he often thought and sang about God. He sang about God's love and protection of the people God had created. These people were to God like the sheep were to David. Many of the songs were about God and His love and protection of the people who are the sheep of God's pasture are in the book of Psalms, which means "songs" of praise and gratitude to the great God who created the whole universe and all of the animals and people upon the earth.
David's three oldest brothers were soldiers in the army of King Saul. The country was in a desperate battle against the great armies of the Philistines. The Philistines lived in the country south of David's country, and they had many giants who lived in their country. One of the tallest and strongest of the giants was named Goliath, and Goliath had four brothers who also were giants.
Every day and evening for forty days Goliath would stalk to the cliff of the hill upon which the Philistine armies were camped and call across the valley to the hill where King Saul's army were staying. Goliath yelled, "Choose a man from among you to come fight me. If he can kill me the Philistines will be your servants. If I kill him all of you will become servants of the Philistines."  This thundering giant of a man who was 9 and 3/4 feet tall struck fear into the hearts of King Saul's soldiers. Everyone was terrified of fighting this formidable giant.
One day Jesse gathered bread, wheat and cheeses into a sack and said to David, "Take this bundle of food to your brothers on the battlefront so that they may have good country food to eat."  When David arrived at King Saul's camp on the hill overlooking the valley below the Philistines' camp on the opposite hill David heard Goliath yelling across the valley to the terrified soldiers of Israel.  David knew that God would help him, so he went before King Saul and said, "I will go against this heathen man who defies the armies of the living God."  King Saul answered, "You are not able to go against this Philistine, for you are a young man, and this giant has been a trained soldier all of his life."  David replied, "I used to keep my father's sheep, and when a lion or a bear came and took a lamb from the flock I went after it and delivered the lamb from its mouth and killed the lion or bear. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."
Since no other soldier was willing to fight the gaint Goliath, King Saul decided to allow David to fight the giant. King Saul took off his heavy iron coat and helmet and dressed David in them. But the armour was too heavy for David. He took off the armourand carried with him only his sling. He stooped at the brook in the valley and gathered five smooth brookstones and placed them in his shepherd's pouch.  The giant Goliath cursed David by his heathen gods and shoulted, "Am I a dog that you come against me with sticks?"  Breathing a quick prayer David placed one of the smooth stones in his sling, drew back his hand and slung the stone quickly straight into the forehead of the giant, dinting his brow deeply. The giant fell face down onto the ground. David quickly ran to his form, grasped the gaint's sword from its sheath, stabbed the gaint with the sword and then cut off the giant's head.  All of the Philistine soldiers ran away in a panic, the soldiers of King Saul chasing them. After all of the Philistines had fled the soldiers plundered their tents, carrying away all of the valuable belongings that the Philistines had left behind. Once again God had come to the resuce of His people, caring for them like a shepherd caring for his beloved sheep.  The people in the towns nearby shouted, danced and sang for joy because of David's victory over Goliath. The women made up songs that said, "King Saul has killed thousand, but David has killed ten thousands."
This song did not make King Saul happy, but the people loved David very much. After King Saul died the people made David their king because God had already selected David years before to be the king. David loved the Lord God with all of his heart and wrote many songs about the love of God. From David's line of children and grandchildren Jesus Christ was born many years later. David is remembered most of all, not just that he killed the giant Goliath with a sling and stone, but because Jesus was known not only as the Son of God but also as the "Son of David".